Friday, September 16, 2011

Poor Kitty

My wife had Mittens since she was a kitten.  Over the last 15yrs my wife has built this cat's tolerance to the point it can take pretty much anything.  That is everything except a 2 1/2yr old.   My daughters favorite thing is to torment Mittens.  I can't decide if she thinks the cat is a stuffed animal or some fun toy.  I think what she likes is the reactions she gets.  The cat likes to lay next to us when we sit on the couch.  I think because she knows she will randomly get pet but I also think recently out of safety.  Safety from Luna who loves to run up to the cat and scream in her face. ROOOOAAAAAAARRRR!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm a dinosaur!  The cat doesn't care and just tries to ignore her.  Mittens will not even look at her.   If the cat sits there long enough Luna will then strangle hug the cat until it meows or bites her.  Or she lays on the cat until it bites her or finds an opening and runs away.  The funniest part is Luna has the nerve to tell on the cat after it bites her.  Like the cat did something wrong.  We keep telling her to stop bugging the cat but she'll never learn.  I'm not sure if she likes the attention she gets from us or if she really finds annoying the cat entertaining.

The really strange part is if Luna called the cat or talks to it while it's on the stairs the cat stays there.  Knowing full well nothing good is in store.  The cat tolerates it and I think on some level enjoys it.  It's affection in a jacked up sort of way.   I don't try to understand it I just try to make sure Luna does kill Mittens.  

Friday, July 29, 2011

Bed Time

There is no other time that will test your patience as a parent then bed time.  Some of you will be lucky and your child will actually want to go to bed.  For the rest of us bed time is a ritual in which we lay our children down then hope and pray they actually fall asleep.  If the child is still in a crib it is a little easier.  If they stay up they can't get into too much trouble.  If they have transitioned into their own bed and have full run of the room that is where the fun starts. You'll hear random thumps and things banging through the night.  You'll lose count of how many times you open the door and threaten your child to go to sleep or else.   The greatest is when your kid amasses a pile of random stuff behind the door so it's hard to open.  Usually it's a blend of books, toys, clothes old baby stuff and things you thought you threw out two years ago.   You will wonder if your child lays there awake in bed and tries to scheme up the best way to piss you off.  Most of their attempts will be successful. 

Recently my aunt came to visit and I talked to her about our bed time woes.  She told me what our grandfather had the kids do.  He'd let them watch tv as long as they laid on the floor and were quite.  Usually they'd end up falling asleep and he'd carry them to bed.  I remember as a kid doing this a few times myself.  I thought it was a good idea and decided to implement it last night.  I was a little excited while I pulled out Luna's sleeping bag and laid it down.  Grabbed a pillow.  "Ok, you can lay out here but you have to lay down.  We're not going to watch what you want on TV.  Daddy and Mommy are watching a movie, if you do not lay down you're going to bed."  Of course Luna agreed.  Anything to stay up longer.  She actually laid there for about 5min then...

Luna said.  "I don't want to watch this." 

Me:  "Do you want to go to bed?"

Luna: "No"

Me: "Well lay back down or go to bed"

Luna laid back down and actually looked as though she was drifting off.  Until she found one of Enzo's baby toys.  It rattled and was made to be a teething toy but some how the toy makers made the circle just big enough to put around a 2yr olds arm.  So now it was a rattling bracelet.  Luna figured if this baby toy was fun the others might be too and started messing.   Then I started to see my plan failing.  I kept telling Luna to stop playing with that stuff or she was going to bed.  A few times I did the "ok you're going to bed" and made the movements like I was getting up.  Of course Luna scrambled back into the sleeping bag.  It ended up being another loss and eventually she was put in her room.  She didn't make a mess in there which was a plus. 

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Discipline

For every parenting couple there is a time where they do not see eye to eye on a certain parenting style.  Take discipline for example.  My wife feels we should never spank our kids.  I on the other hand feel it is necessary.  I think kids fearing the wrath of their parents isn't always bad.  Some kids are able to behave just by the fear of disappointing their parents.  Others could care less and actually need a physical threat to drive the message home.

Our two year old daughter Luna is one of these people.  She has a very strong personality and unfortunately has inherited our stubbornness   My wife and I have tried various different discipline tactics and honestly we never stuck with any particular one for very long.  The first was "time out" which went over like a ton of bricks.  The kid was supposed to stay on the stairs for a set amount of time.  Luna would climb up the stairs or slide down them crying and fussing the whole time.  If she came off the stairs and we walked over she'd run back burying her head in the stairs.  It was frustrating and felt like it was going no where.  Then came spanking.   No parent wants to cause harm to their child. If you do, seek psychiatric help.  I spanked Luna for the first time about 2 months ago.  We were staying at an in-laws house and she would not go to bed.   The breaking point was when she started throwing her stuffed animals out of her pack and play then would scream and cry until one of us came in and got them.  Normally we would have just left her in the room to scream until she got tired but our  son who was only a few weeks old at the time was sleeping in the same room.  Eventually I told her she was going to get a spanking.

I laid her over my lap and then tried in my head to gauge how hard I was going to spank her.  It felt totally strange and actually when I made contact I seriously had the feeling of someone striking me at the same time.  Not a physical hit but a pain like when you just find out a loved one is injured or hurt.  It was an emotional hit.    The spank made a loud noise but I noticed Luna didn't cry.  She just sat there looking at the floor and not really showing any reaction.  I talked to her about why she got a spanking and left the room feeling bad but also confused as if that wasn't really a spanking.  To me if you spank your child it should be an unpleasant experience.  A true consequence of their actions.  In my opinion a perfect spanking is one that leaves a child crying for no more than 5min.  It didn't take long for me to practice my theory.  With in an hour Luna was causing havoc again.  This time I spanked harder and she cried.   I didn't feel better about the situation but I did feel this was a better test of a true spanking.  Luna behaved for the rest of the night and when she didn't the threat of a spanking was enough to put her back in place.  I figured this was going to be the new standard.

The hard part is when your wife doesn't see eye to eye on discipline.  My wife still wanted to try the "time out" method and what she calls out willing the child.  I relate it to training a dog.  I have never done this but I've heard when training some dogs you do certain techniques to put yourself in the alpha dog position. Things like out staring the dog or holding it down to show your dominance.  My wife's version of this was just repeating herself over and over.  It was horribly annoying to listen to and drove me nuts.  Here's an example.

My Wife: "Ok Luna you aren't picking up your toys so you're going to sit in time out."

Luna: "NO!"

My Wife: "Yes, now get on the stairs."

Luna: "No, I no want stairs."

My Wife: Yes, you have to be in time out because you're not doing good listening."

Luna: "No"

This goes on in a circle for about 5minutes. It's obvious Luna is not going to pick up the toys and she'll have to go on the stairs. Why even bother discussing this?  Just put her there?  But I let my wife try her method.  So then my daughter is on the stairs and she's crying and fussing and going from the top stair and sliding down, each time my wife tells her the "time out" is starting over.  Then she asks Luna "Are you going to pick up your toys?"

Luna: "No!"

My Wife:  "Then you're going to stay in time out"

This goes on for another 10min.  Then eventually Luna says she's going to pick up her toys obviously to get out of time out but not because she's actually going to pick up her toys.  So she gets off the stairs and starts playing with something else.  My wife gets mad and they start arguing again about picking up the toys.  Usually this ends up in my daughter just crying and laying on the floor and my wife walking away almost ready go do the same thing in her room.

This went on for about two weeks and there were battles conversations about how we need to start to incorporate spanking again.  Then one day I was watching TV and Luna and my wife were battling when all of a sudden I just heard WHAP! Then my daughter crying.  I didn't ask if she spanked her, I didn't even move from the couch. I figured for my wife to be that livid to actually spank my daughter she had to be at her breaking point.  She did one more spanking that day and my daughter behaved.  She actually behaved for the next two days.  Then one day as she was starting to have a tantrum I gave her a good pop on the bottom. It was kind of out of nowhere too, she was fussing and not doing what we asked and instead of even instilling the threat I came out of nowhere and gave her a spanking.   At this time we are in the process of potty training.  So after I made contact my daughter just looked up at me obviously with her feelings hurt and peed on the floor. Was this the reaction I was looking for?  Hell no!  Now I was more mad at her peeing on the floor than anything.  But what was I going to do, spank her again?  No, I consoled her and cleaned her up.  Then I thought, am I totally countering the spanking altogether by being so nice afterwards?

Spanking was given up on for awhile and a tool used to make our daughter behave came out of nowhere.  She visited a friend who had a spider-man doll.  This doll would talk when you touched its chest.  My daughter LOVES spider-man.  I have no idea why. She has not seen any of the movies or cartoons.  She is two and I think they are way too advanced and honestly violent for her.   Well my wife tried something out of nowhere and it amazingly worked.  Luna was up to her old tricks of not behaving and my wife said "Luna, spider-man is watching you."   Our daughter straightened right up and did exactly what we asked.  This was awesome!  It worked for awhile but I knew my wife was milking it way too much.

"Spider-man is making sure you eat your dinner."

"Spider-man is making sure you stay in bed."

Spider-man is making sure you put your pee pee's in the potty."

Spider-man was friggin busy and my daughter got tired of him.  Eventually she didn't give a crap what spider-man was doing and just went back to her old ways.  So here's where we are currently.  We have found that if we want Luna to do something we have to ask her once which she never usually follows. Then a second time then we say, "Do we need to help you?"  When we say this we walk over at the same time and Luna actually does what we want.  It's exhausting but some what effective.  It's less stressful for us than spanking and time outs.  The hardest thing we are dealing with currently is Luna not staying in bed.  Every night she just plays in her room.  Pulls books off the shelf and plays with things in the closet.  It drives me nuts.  Then to top it off she pees in her bed.  My wife was adamant about using cloth diapers and I guess if Luna lays on her stomach some how urine escapes from them.  I don't know exactly this is just what I am told.  Not logical but some how a huge wet spot appears on her bed ever other night.  Here is the kicker, we have tried disposables on her at night and Luna would just take them off!  What the hell?  I was wondering if this was God's little trick at seeing how frustrated I can get.  Well I fought back with duct tape.  I would tape her diapers on and this worked great until I had to cut them off in the morning.  It was too dangerous and making a duct tape belt every night was not a ritual I wanted to get into.  Oh the joys of fatherhood.